Today's topic of discussion deals with the good girl/bad girl images we talked about in class over the past couple weeks. We determined that the "good" girl was one who was always put together, blond, existing only to serve her man, usually stayed at home, and most IMPORTANTLY she never had sex...especially never with anyone except her husband. Well, here in 2010, I believe that these expectations have changed drastically in the sense that sex before marriage seems to be less taboo and more widely accepted...not that we totally take this behavior out of the "bad" girl category. So, are the implications of good/bad girl different now? Or, are there just more and more "bad" girls? I mean, this always happened right? We just never talked openly about it...and we still really don't.
We follow specific rules of playing "the game" (see previous post) so that we don't screw up the relationship too early. But what are the rules? People are so complex and see the world through so many different lenses that it seems almost impossible to simply follow a set of prescriptions and badda bing badda BOOM - a relationship has formed! It formed because you have done everything exactly right and did nothing to screw it up. The weird thing is, I know people that give it up on the first night and have ended up in a relationship. On the other hand, I know people who have given it up wayyyyy too early and everyone knows "nobody wants to buy the cow if you're giving away the milk for free." Ultimately, I think it depends on the individual. Stafford and Canary (1991) created a list of 5 maintenance behaviors that individuals use to maintain their romantic relationships: [1] positivity, [2] openness, [3] assurances, [4] social networks, and [5] task sharing. I feel that these same maintenance behaviors are used to initiate relationships. We like to make people feel good about themselves with positivity and encouragement, we are open with people when we hope for reciprocity, we tell those we care about that everything will be okay even when everything sucks, we enjoy being around other people that are important to the person were dating or trying to date, and we like to help the other person out when they need it or just to be kind. But, even if we engage in all of these behaviors, will having sex too early ruin the relationship? If you ask a man about women who have sex extremely early in a relationship, they will typically tell you that they lose respect for them very quickly. Though we talk about the "bad" girl being the epitome of every man's fantasy, it is ironic that these behaviors seem to represent nothing that a man respects and wants for the long hull. So then, as a woman, do I do it or do I not? Should I be worried that if I sleep with a man too soon that I have sealed my fate? And what justifies "too soon?" The first night? The first week? The first month? What's the answer? Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man suggests that women should wait 3 months before giving it up. Is that long enough? Is that too long? The answer is: I have NO idea.
What I do know is if waiting gives me the respect I deserve...then waiting it will be.
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