After a two hour conversation I had with one of my good girlfriends earlier tonight, I realized that we, men and women, constantly play "the game" with one another. Whether you refer to it as the chase, playing hard to get, inconsistent rewards...whatever you call it...it is these perverse games we play that make dating so complicated. Why not be direct? Why not just say what you mean and do what you say? My theory is because, as humans, we are always attracted to new things and need something to keep our attention. Perhaps it is because we are never 100% sure of what we want out of life, and more specifically, out of our romantic relationships. This game is just a fun distraction that provides us with an out when things don't end up the way we envisioned.
Wolfram Shultz, who conducted an experiment on monkeys and their dopamine neuron levels when they received consistent v. inconsistent rewards of juice, made some interesting discoveries. The monkeys always receiving the juice after the prompted noise eventually acquired a loss in dopamine neurons firing, until they stopped firing at all. The monkeys receiving inconsistent rewards, however, continued to have intense rushes of dopamine (ultimately making them very happy) because they never knew when they were going to be rewarded. Why does this science experiment have anything to do with relationships you ask? Well...I believe there is a strong connection here in the sense that we play these games and find ways to keep people interested by being the guy or girl that is hard to get, available "sometimes" but not all the time, and we give a little, expecting some in return, and we wait a little to see how things play out. I wonder how things would work out if we just decided to say to ourselves, "ok. I am into him/her and am curious about where it will go. I will be up front about it and that way there will be no confusion on where I stand." Doesn't that sound ideal? I mean...who doesn't value honesty? Sadly, this directness will most likely lead to boredom if we reflect back on Shultz's study. I am assuming when we play these games it is simply to keep ourselves and others interested and excited about the relationship. There is no arguing with human nature I suppose.
I have personally been a victim of "the game." I, evidently, do not know how to play to win. Does anyone have instructions because that would be super? I spent almost 6 years in a relationship and that was all I knew for a very long time. I did not become "available" again (I am not much of a fan of the word "single", too many Friday nights spent watching Bridget Jones' Diary will do that to a girl) until I began graduate school last fall. I fell for someone, who did not fall for me. If anything, I consistently felt 2 inches tall with him. I do hope that men realize that thinking they do not have bad intentions does not mean they are doing nothing wrong. Novel concept, I know. The good news is, it seems that having someone else to peak your interest takes attention away from another. The vicious cycle, however, continues. I am interested in someone else who, over the past month or so, has shown genuine interest through his nonverbal communication with me. I began to reciprocate by acting in a similar way when around him. The past 2 days, however, have seemed to tell a different story. The genuine interest seems to have faded, not much affection, and even some awkward run-ins where conversation doesn't feel right. Thus...I wait...I wait like a monkey in a lab that is starving for juice. And, should I receive such juice in a timely fashion...I shall wait again.
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